“For a fat girl you are really beautiful”
“You dress really nicely, even though you are fat!”
“For being fat, you have a really nice face.”
Every fat person knows this dreaded compliment which isn’t a compliment at all. It hasn’t been said to me for a long time, and even if someone would imply something like that, I know I wouldn’t care anymore, because I know I am beautiful. Full stop. Not for a fat girl, not even though. Just beautiful. And everyone who begs to differ, can kindly fuck off.
Learning to take a compliment and not questions the intentions, the hidden thoughts or searching for the hint to discover the great big lie is a tough journey, but usually I am quiet good with it. I learned to believe that people don’t usually say nice things to you, if they don’t really mean them.
Strangely enough, in the last few weeks every time someone complimented my pole skills, told me how much stronger I look, how great I am doing, how flowy or pretty my moves look, it always left a strange aftertaste and I couldn’t quiet place what it was.
Why Can’t I Accept this?
I turned this thought in my head for a bit, and finally it dawned on me, it was my own doubts, the mean voice who was adding “…for a fat girl”, to every comment and compliment I got. It was myself thinking ‘Well for being the fattest girl in class I am probably doing okay’. Constantly comparing my progress to the progress everyone else was showing, and always assuming, that no one really sees me, but always thinks about how my progress is good for a fat person, how I am doing a move okayish for the fact my big thighs might be in my way. It’s unfair on myself and everyone who takes the time to say something nice.
Obviously my body weight plays a part in all of this. Gravity is working harder on my spins, I have to push and pull a lot more weight than most of the Peaches in my group, and maybe I am not as strong as some of them or just not trained as much as someone else, before starting pole. But that doesn’t mean no one can see my personal progress, my strength or my weakness, the uniqueness I bring into poleing. So why is it so hard for me to accept a compliment just as what it is?
Fit & Fat?
I think being labeled as unathletic and not fit all of my life definitely plays a big part in it. When I was in school I hated school sports and I sucked at most of it. But I used to go to swim training two times a week, learning to be a life guard and I rode my bike to school every day, still I never ever considered myself as fit, because being fat and being fit just didn’t work out together in my head.
It’s one thing to let go of that thought in general, but apparently another thing is to actually stop believing those fat-hating rules because they don’t apply to your own life anymore. I want to let go of the thought that everyone judges me, but it’s fucking hard in a world where fat people are stigmatized, harassed or discriminated on a daily basis. I don’t yet have a solution, but I will try to remind myself every time I hear the “…for a fat girl” pop up in my head, that I am not good for a fat girl, but that I am just good.
I didn’t choose the pole dance life. The pole dance life chose me. No, seriously, I had never really considered pole dancing as something that could be fun to me, but for a very long time I was dreaming about trying Burlesque. I researched it sometime in summer, that’s how I found out about Madame Peaches, I gave them a follow on Facebook and for a few months I didn’t really think about it anymore. In October or November a “Pole Beginner Taster Session” event popped up in my timeline, it sounded nice enough, but I was going through a series of tonsilitises during that time and probably was still looking for an excuse not to try it. The final push I got was when my friend Paula told me she loved her taster session and is doing 1-2-1 sessions now. I gave in, convinced Elsa to join me, and we booked in to the taster session in early December. I really enjoyed it, but I still didn’t expect to love it as much as I do now. Three month later, and here we are, I am constantly bruised, I am stronger, I dance around a metal pole two times a week half-naked.
The Very First Time
I was very excited but also very scared before the taster session. When we arrived at the studio I was a bit intimidated by all the cute and mostly thin looking girls. What if I would fail epically? What if someone would make a mean comment about my body? Should I have worn more than anti-chubrub shorts and a crop top? Jess, who has a heart made of gold, welcomed us, we did a little warm up all together, before chosing a pole, I shared one with Elsa. Step by step she showed us a few moves, really easy things like gracefully walking around a pole, doing a Pirouette and even our first Fireman Spin. The first time I took both feet off the ground and actually span around a pole for like a second I wanted to squeal with glee before I not so gracefully landed on my bum, instead of on my feet. Immediately failure was creeping up, you won’t be able to ever spin so lightly around the pole as everyone else is doing, I heard a little mean voice saying. Luckily, right in this moment Jess decided to jump in front of me, shielding me from my doubt. She came down to the floor and told me I shouldn’t worry about landing on my feet, as I could always just lay back slowly, do a sexy rolling onto my belly and then get up again. She said pole was not about everyone doing the same thing, but everybody finding what they could do and what works best for some. Right in this moment I was sold.
No Pain, No Gain?
I wholeheartedly hate this phrase, but I really can’t deny that my body is a canvas of bruises. After the first sessions, I started a six weeks Level 1 course at the beginning of January, it was mostly my shins. Now, that I am working on seats and holding my self onto the pole by sheer willpower and the strength of my thighs, it’s all over my legs.
But there isn’t only the physical pain, it’s also the frustration that comes with falling in love with a sport, while being fat. Just like I already mentioned in my last post being fat makes you go an extra mile or two most of the times. Finding the gear for doing pole dancing safely, like knee pads, is still a quest I am on. Finding affordable and cute pole wear in plus sizes is possible but definitely harder than it is when you wear a conventional size 8. Seeing how everyone spins and spins and spins or how the others who weigh half of what I weight can hold themselves up so much longer even if they aren’t more or better trained then I am can be very frustrating. Gravity is a thing and it’s pulling me down a lot faster than it’s pulling down a 50kg girl. But you know what? It’s doesn’t matter, because I found something that makes me feel amazing. That helps me fall in love with this body and everything I am able to do again every fucking time I step into the studio.
See The Fat Girls Fly
Last week I went to the Open Training for the first time, a class where you can drop in and just practise a bit. Just like always I felt welcome and supported even if everyone else was on a lot more advanced level than I am. I finally felt safe enough to ask if my coach Emma could do a video of me spinning. I even was brave and posted it on Instagram an in the Madame Peaches Pole FB Group and got nothing by positive feedback.
Even though one could think that pole dancing is a mostly thin bodies dominated sport, there are quite a lot of plus size pole dancers out there. It’s super inspiring to see what they can do, it helps me to dream big and think about all the things I will be able to learn in the next weeks, months and years. If you want to see some fat girls fly you should definitely check out Eda Marbury, Roz The Diva, and Dreacosta.
You can expect a few more posts about pole dancing, as I have a lot more to say, but this will do for now. Let me know if you have any questions or want to hear more about my pole dancing journey.
I am a bit nervous to post this, but mostly I am just proud! I went to Open Training today to take the chance and work on my spins, climbs and seats a bit. I know it's babysteps but I just love it so much. I never before did any kind of sport or fitness I was looking forward to every single time. ❤️ Now I having a break and looking forward my Floorwork Class later one! ✨ weeeeeeeeeeeh! #keepitpeachy #madamepeachespole #madamepeaches #thisgirlcan #fatgirlscan #plussizepoledancer #unitedbypole #poledance #poledancenation #celebratemysize #alternativecurves
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Today was the first time in a very long time I cried because something I ordered online didn’t fit me. The frustration of not fitting into clothes isn’t new to me, but since I discovered the growing world of online plus size retailers it has become so much easier. It took me by surprise when a wave of sadness hit me after trying on a pair of soft knee pads I had ordered for pole dancing, and I couldn’t do anything but give in and sat crying on my bed for twenty minutes straight.
“There are the moments where I just want to give up everything, because you ALWAYS have to go the long way when you are fat. ALWAYS. It’s always a fucking extra mile.”, were the exact words I typed down to some friends after sending them a picture of the super tight knee pad. And it made me realise I wasn’t frustrated with my body or suddenly felt bad about it, I was just so fucking tired of how the world around me sees my fat body.
The Extra Mile
It doesn’t matter if it’s a special item of clothes you are looking for, rings that fit bigger fingers, specific sport clothes, something simple like a black pair of tights warm enough for winter, it always requires an extra amount of research, if you want it in an extra large size. It eats up your personal recourses and your money, because after you finally found this one seller on eBay, that sells a pair of over knee socks in an 3XL (which doesn’t mean you know they will fit, it’s still a risk), you have to pay double of what everyone in a straight size has to pay, plus shipping, plus taxes. I am not sure if thin folks realise how much of a daily effort it is for fat people to find the things they like. Most of us can’t just go into town, we have to buy every single piece online, and we pay a lot more than you.
I started pole dancing in January, I am planning to write a post about how amazing it is, but from what I gathered so far there is quite a huge community of plus size pole dancers but a lack of pole wear, wide fit shoes and especially any kind of gear like knee pads. Obviously having a new hobby requires research for everyone, but if you are a size 14 or smaller your new pole outfit is a “pole wear” search on google and a few clicks away. While for me it means finding new resources, checking different retailers, asking for help and being confronted with shops that apparently are selling to plus size dancers but have not one single plus size model in their shop.
It’s something that you come across again and again as a fat person. People tell you your life will be so much easier once you lost a certain amount of weight, but this exhaustion, the tiredness I am feeling has nothing to do with the weight I carry around, but with how the world is treating me because of it.
May it be fashion or fitness, it doesn’t really matter, the reality is that industries and people are trying to exclude us from being ourselves over and over again. We are denied the easy way and most days I personally don’t care, I just do. I go to the pole class, I wear the dress, I have an awesome date, I eat what I want. But today a pair of knee pads that didn’t fit as well as I hoped pushed me over the edge and into a good and deserved cry.
No matter how much you are at peace with your body always having to ask yourself or others “Does it come in my size aswell?” is a certain kind of openness that doesn’t come easy for everyone. Especially when there is always the risk of the ‘just lose some weight and it will be easier for you’ advice. It shouldn’t be that hard for me or any other fat person to enjoy their lives, may it by expressing themselves through fashion or by dancing their arse off in a pole studio, but unfortunately it is.
After a really sweet New Years Eve, my 2017 has started with being ill. I caught a cold and on top of it felt super sick yesterday, well I spare you the details, let’s just say I haven’t really left the house in the last days and today is the first day I am not a miserable puddle of pitying myself for not being alright.
As I don’t yet feel on top of myself I thought instead of writing something to inspire I rather share a few articles, and other bits with you that might help you,to get inspired for a good start into the new year. This isn’t all about making goals or resolutions, but just a collection of inspiring things that I liked in the past year and that could come in handy if you want some input apart from all the “new year, new you”-bullshit that you can’t really avoid in the first weeks of January.
Sarah, from Velveteen Femme, a plus size blogger who also lives in Edinburgh, posted the cutest outfit yesterday and included ten really nice things to read, it’s all about getting rid of the guilt and feeling good with yourself.
If you are into Resolutions, maybe read thought the resolutions of these nine mega babes, which all revolve around not letting yourself be hold back, fighting your fears or being nicer to yourself.
The Weight of the Evidence is a very well researched article about how dieting doesn’t work the way people assume it does. There are in fact many studies showing your weight is not always directly related to your health and that thought being fat can be linked to but can’t be proven to be the cause for certain illnesses. It’s a long but very interesting read and gives you a lot of arguments against people coming at you with their “But what about the health1!1!!!” concerns.
This might be one of the best educational web series of 2016, Vagina Dispatches by Mona Chalabi and Mae Ryan is a delightful and fun way to learn more about vaginas, your own body and sexuality. It’s just four episodes and you should definitely take the time to watch them all.
If you like me love a more edgy style you may want to check out this post full of super stunning babes rocking alternative and edgy outfits and slaying with goth inspired looks.
I love revealing clothes and for me they have played a big part in learning to love my body and showing I am not afraid of ashamed of it anymore. Though this doesn’t have to apply to everyone, I enjoyed reading about similar experiences, also this article is filled with lots inspiring pics of fat babes.
Last but not least I want to recommend my best friend Elsa’s blog Swipe Right With me, where is blogs about sex, dating and relationships. It’s fun to read and very educational, so don’t miss out on what’s (or who) is going to come in 2017 and give her a follow.
It’s almost Christmas Time, I am home, back in Germany, and the last week has been filled with meeting with friends and family, enjoying the time together and getting into a festive mood. This beautiful dress that I was asked to choose from Lovedrobe, is the perfect piece to put together a very seasonal outfit.
At home we usually aren’t dressing up super festive for the Holy Evening, it’s more about being casual and comfy, so you can eat all the delicious food and enjoy a glass of mulled wine or two, while lounging on the couch. Still there are lots of others festive occasions, like Christmas parties or New Years coming up and so I am super excited about this wonderful retro inspired lace panel dress in a deep red.
I didn’t want to hide the gorgeous neckline under a cardigan, but wanted to make the outfit appropriate for the cold German weather, so I paired it with a simple black top, black tights and shiny ankle boots. The gold jewelry and a contrasting black belt pull the look together. If I had a pettiecoat that would totally work with this flowy skirt as well.
I sized up to a 26UK, though I mostly wear a 24UK, but the dress isn’t elastic and I already knew that Lovedrobe sometimes runs a little small. The 26 fits really nice, it’s fitted around the bust and waist, but not too tight, I love the knee-length and the thick fabric that makes the dress very winter appropriate. I wanted to try out a slightly different look, and so I paired it with a thick, diamond knit black jumper, which is gifted to me from Lovedrobe aswell.
I think it gives the chic outfit a more cozy touch and keeps you warm during a trip to the Christmas Market or a long winter walk. Both pieces, the dress and the jumper, are reduced at the moment, but you can also find lovely other dresses and tops at Lovedrobe.
Have you already wrapped all your gifts? We are about to set up the Christmas tree now, followed by a trip to the Christmas market. By the way, if you want to read a little more about how some other plus size bloggers and me celebrate Christmas, have a look at this navabi blogpost. I am wishing you all a very festive holiday time, filled with joy and being around your loved ones.
All pictures are taking by my lovely friend Anna.
This post contains sponsored products in collaboration with Lovedrobe, all opinions expressed are my own.
Sorry guys, today it’s going to be online in German, because it’s my entry for the German based Plus Size Advent Calendar “Curvy Christmas“.
Seid ihr auch schon in so weihnachtlichet Stimmung wie ich? Ich persönlich mag Weihnachten ja unglaublich gerne und werde so ganz langsam auch ein bisschen hibbelig, weil es nächste Woche Dienstag Richtung Heimat geht, damit ich Weihnachten zu Hause bei der Familie verbringen kann. Dass ich dieses Jahr wieder bei Curvy Christmas dabei bin, freut mich sehr und hat mich schon im späten Oktober etwas weihnachtlich gestimmt, als ich für Katha und Ela das Design des diesjährigen Kalenders überarbeitet habe.
Und natürlich gibt es heute auch was zu Gewinnen! Und zwar ein kleines Paket, bestehend aus der wundervollen, knallig pinken “No”-Kette. Zwei Riegeln schottischem Fudge, um euch ein bisschen etwas aus meiner Wahlheimat mitzubringen. Und zwei meiner absoluten Lieblings Beautyprodukte aus diesem Jahr. Ein liquid lipstick von Sleek (“Fired Up”), also ein Lippenstift-Lipgloss-Hybrid, der sich super einfach auftragen lässt und super farbintensiv und matt trocknet und so wirklich lange hält und euch den ganzen Tag begleiten kann. Der einzige Nachteil? Meine Lippen trocknen dadurch schneller aus, aber dann hilft ein Lip Scrub – mein Favourite ist von Lush, den kann man sich hinterher genüßlich von den Lippen schlecken. Und dann einfach dein Lieblingspflegeprdoukt auftragen und schon sind deine Lippen wieder bereit für die nächste Runde.
- Beantworte in einem Kommentar zu diesem Beitrag folgende Frage: Warum willst du nächstes Jahr lernen besser “Nein” zu sagen? Trage dich anschließend in das Gewinnspiel-Widget (unterhalb dieser Punkte) ein und erhalte so ein Los für den Lostopf.
- Du kannst auch zusätzliche Lose sammeln indem du im Gewinnspiel-Widget meiner Facebook Page, meinem Instagram-Account und dem Instagram-Account von Elsa P. Underwood folgst.
- Noch ein paar Regeln zum Gewinnspiel: Um teilzunehmen, musst du volljährig sein oder mir im Gewinnfall eine Einverständniserklärung deiner Eltern für die Zusendung des Gewinnes vorlegen. Ein Gewinner_in wird zufällig aus allen gültigen Einträgen bestimmt. Der Gewinn wird von mit aus Deutschland verschickt, daher solltet ihr einen deutsche Versandadresse haben, um mitzumachen. Der Rechtsweg ausgeschlossen. Die Preise wurden unentgeltlich zur Verfügung gestellt und können nicht bar ausgezahlt werden.
- Das Gewinnspiel läuft bis zum 17.12.2015, 23:59 Uhr. Am Tag darauf wird der Gewinner_in von mir am 18.12 ausgelost und per Mail benachrichtigt und der Gewinn so schnell wir möglich verschickt. Sollte der_die Gewinner_in sichnicht innerhalb einer Woche bei mir melden, behalte ich es mir vor erneut auszulosen.
Ich wünsche euch allen ganze viel Glück und bin auf eure Antworten gespannt. Gestern gabs übrigens etwas bei Sarah Grossartig zu gewinnen und morgen öffnet sich das Türchen von Inbetweenie Must Haves.
Baby, it’s getting colder outside. Well to be honest, I always expected a Scottish winter to be a lot colder, but thanks to living so close to the seaside, we actually still have pretty mild temperatures. Just like yesterday, when the afternoon sun gives Edinburgh a golden shimmer and it was mild enough to immediately wear out this pretty baby blue coat I bought from Amanda’s Depop.
I still love all black outfits, but since I stopped colouring my hair incorporating a lot more colour into my daily wardrobe is a lot easier. Now I own a blush pink, a floral green and this baby blue coat. Non of them are suitable for really cold weather, but they work so well with the windy spring and fall season here.
If you know me from my old blog, you probably remember I’ve never really been a jeans girl. Occasionally yes, but I would always rather wear a well fitted pair of tights than jeans. I still agree with this statement, but since I discovered the Lucy high-waisted skinny jeans from SimplyBe I find myself wearing jeans a lot more often. They actually are really tight around the ankle, which somehow isn’t always the case with plus size skinny jeans. I love the high-waist cut, and though they are very tight they are super stretchy and really comfy. The only thing you need to consider is, that you drastically have to size down. I am wearing a 20UK though I usually buy a 24UK in skirts or other jeans.
The shoes I am wearing are also from SimplyBe, not something that I can rock everyday due to their heel, but still pretty comfortable. My shirt is a simple long sleeve from Primark and the belt is from ASOS Curve.
For a long time I thought a long coat like this wouldn’t work on me because I am quiet short, but now I actually really like the laid back vibe it gives me. I am also really obsessed with this Sleek liquid lipstick, the muted red colour compliments my hair and eyes but isn’t too bright to go with all kind of different outfits.
When I first met my boyfriend, let’s call him the old man, I had heard of poly relationships but never really considered it. I wasn’t really sure what it meant to be poly and pretty much assumed that it was mostly about having sex with lots of people and not really having any responsibility. I’ve also never really been in a long-term relationship till this year and my perfect dream world love life was deeply effected by the almost uncountable number of romantic novelettes, I call them neck-kissing novels, I read in my teens. So, for a very long time I was waiting for this one perfect person to come and scoop me up, my one true love, monogamously together for the rest of our lives… Well here we are, in the middle of my polyamorous relationship, not really what I expected, but definitely something worth talking about.
Poly? But what actually does that mean?
I guess every person who lives poly probably has their very own and individual definition for it, but Wikipedia does sum the idea up pretty nicely.
“Polyamory (from Greekπολύpoly, “many, several”, and Latinamor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”.” Wikipedia
So what it means is, that yes I am in relationship but yes I am also open to date, see, love, fuck or connect with other people and so is my boyfriend. Obviously the arrangements are different for every connection you have or make. Some couples may open up their existing relationship or marriage and just see other people as a couple, others date or have sex but still have a primary partner. There isn’t one way of doing it right, except that consent and communication between all parts involved is the key.
Letting myself fall into it
To be honst it wasn’t just the old man who made me aware of the fact that maybe there is more than one true love or only loving one person at the same time. Back in 2009, when I was studying, I fell in love. It wasn’t this butterflies everywhere, a big explosion of passion kind of love, it was slow, it was talking for hours, it was spending every awake minute with him. It was a connection so close that my best girl pals were afraid I would fall in love with my best gay friend Björn and break my own heart. Spoiler alert, I didn’t break my heart, but I realised that maybe there are quiet a lot of more nuances to relationships, love and friendship than books and Hollywood tried to sell me. I realised love doesn’t always involve romance or sex but it can still be love.
So when I was chatting to this guy and he told me, that he wasn’t living monogamous, I internally shrugged and said “Well, it’s good that you are so honest and upfront about it, and though I don’t really have any experience with that, I am willing to give it a try.” And I really was willing, because I liked him, and because actually I was only looking for sex, but well…things sometimes turn out very differently. We dated, I knew he was dating others as well. We broke up. It hurt, it was confusing and bit messy for me because I wasn’t expecting it and I didn’t understand it at first. A few month later I clumsily and by accident clicked on his OkCupid profile (sorry old man, I don’t think you knew that it was an accident but I am still very happy about my clumsiness), and somehow we made up and started dating again. He was also seeing someone else at that time and when she wanted to get to know me, for the first time the whole concept of what it meant to be poly became real for me. I was a little scared and tried to postpone it, but when my Mum, who is an overall amazing person, was in town, the boyfriend suggested to meet up all together for dinner.
Meeting the other woman
How weird do you expect it to be to wait for your date and his girlfriend in a pub with your Mum and your best friend? To be honest I was a nervous wrack, but as soon as we all sat down and ordered something to drink it was just very easy. We chatted and laughed a lot, had a few drinks, great food and a nice evening. Meeting the other woman was great and helped me a lot. We chatted a bit on facebook a day later and she said she thinks it’s really important for her to meet other persons in a poly setting because it just makes them into the lovely real people that they are, and that really sticked with me. And it’s so true, I instantly liked her and could easily understand why the old man liked her aswell.
And what about jealousy?
Obviously jealousy can be a big problem, and there are various ways to navigate through this or deal with it, I can only speak from my very limited and personal experience and so far I’ve not really had any issues with it. Of course sometimes you think it would be nice to see your partner or date but maybe they are occupied otherwise or not really available for texting or calling right in that moment because they are just spending time with another person. But just like in any other relationship communication, time management and finding a way to make things work, are the key factors to being happy in a relationship.
I know that to some it must feel absolutely unthinkable to see your boyfriend kissing someone else or to wish them luck for their first date with a new person, I never expected myself to be so at ease with it to be honest, but all I can say is, that I actually really am. I am not saying everything is good all the time. But all challenges that arise could arise in any monogamous relationship aswell and aren’t based on the fact that I am involved in a poly setting.
Diversity of connection
In the last months I learned a lot about being poly but also about myself. I happily stepped away from the wish of finding my one true love and finally understood that for some people there isn’t a one true love, but different kind of loves. And connections. And friends. And relationships, play partners, cuddle buddies, primary partners, unicorns, friends with benefits, asexual romances, platonic sex partners, husbands and wifes or people you choose as your family, your spouse, the ones you want to raise children with or someone who just gives you a really good spanking session.
What I am trying to say is, the more I learned the more my eyes were opened to the diversity that love and dating can be. It’s lazy to just assume that being poly only is another term for cheating on your partner or just being a really greedy human, and I am happy I let go of that kind of laziness.
For me personally it is about the freedom and openness to connect to all the awesome humans I meet on whatever levels feels right for us. It also taught me a lot about how far away from real relationships my media taught perception (remember the neck-kissing-novels?) of what a relationship should be like actually is. It really shouldn’t matter what others think of my relationship or love life, the only thing that matters is it makes me happy.
I am happy to answer question and further write or talk about this topic. I also want to recommend “The Ethical Slut” , if you want to read in-depth and link you to “6 Things You Didn’t Know About Poly Couples”, as it’s a fun and quick to read article.
After fighting with a tonsilitis for weeks, I feel like I am finally getting better. Fingers crossed when I am done with these ten days of penicillin all the bacteria has been killed. Yesterday was the first day after over a week I left the house dressed and dolled up and not just for a walk to catch some fresh air but for socialising! Me and my bestie Elsa met up with Amanda, to have a coffee and take some picture so I finally have a new plus size outfit post for you. Amanda will also post an outfit later, and it’s soo cute, so you should have a look.
I’ve become a massiv fan of SimplyBe since I moved to the UK. Unfortunelty from Germany it was always a real hassle to order something from them. The EU shop needs a credit card, which isn’t as much of a thing in Germany as it is here, and they never sold their whole range of items, so most of the time it felt like missing out the great pieces. I really hope that SimplyBe will sort this out eventually, as they have lots of amazing clothes and shoes. Mentioning the shoes. I mean look at them, leopard print chelsea boots, in an EEE fit, that actually is really wide and feels comfortable and easy to walk in.
The skirt I am wearing is from Primarkt. It’s a UK20, though I am usually wearing a 24/26, it’s a good example that a size tag can’t keep you from wearing a certain item, if it fits over your bum. I got this skirt from Amanda, by the way, isn’t it lovely to have friends wearing the same size to swap and switch items? My bold red jumper is also from SimplyBe, it’s one of their basic items, and I was a bit surprised by it’s intense color when I unwrapped it, but I figured it would go lovely with some gold jewlery and an equally brigth red lipstick. It’s not my usual color of choice but I felt really bad arse in this outfit and I think it was a good choice. My faux-leather jacket is from the recent H&M+ collection, I love the detail on the cuff and the tight and short fit, though yesterday I wished the metal details weren’t silver but gold.
For me the term “Body Positivity” has always been closely connected to the fat acceptance movement (if you want to read one thing about FA today, please read this). Lately it’s been used a lot in main stream media, there basically is no way around #BoPo, everybody is talking about in on Instagram, in woman magazines, in YouTube videos and so on – so why do I more and more feel excluded instead of happy about the wide spread of this term and movement?
Everybody has issues but not every body is oppressed
I mean I get it, everyone has body issues. It’s not just fat people, no matter what gender you identify with, how old you are or how much you fall in or out of the beauty norm, we all are brought up with a certain level of self hate for our bodies and our looks. But no matter how much you hate your body, or just a certain part of it, that does not in any way dismiss the fact that some bodies inhabit a lot more privilege than others. What brings us to a very sensitive point and question: Is body positivity for everyone? I would say yes, but…
Yes of course body positivity applies to everyone, yes every single person on this planet has the right to love their body, to feel good in their body, to think of them as attractive or beautiful, but some voices need to be heard a lot louder than others. A thin, white cis woman, who is generally looked at as beautiful, attractive, healthy and happy just because she is white and thin and maybe even athletic, can have just as many issues and negative thoughts about herself than everyone else, maybe even more, but that doesn’t make her the person who has to have the loudest voice in the movement. And unfortunately the people who are met with the least amount of discrimination and refusal from society are the ones who make quite a lot of money with #BoPo campaigns, videos, instagram accounts and so on.
Positivity vs. Positivity
Furthermore I think there is a wildly wrong understanding of the word positivity in body positivity. For many people it is read or understood as “I am doing things that have a positive effect on my body therefore I must be body positive”, which isn’t wrong but does not cover the original idea of body positivity. To me the core of body positivity is to stop negative thinking and judgmental thoughts about not only mine but everyone else’s body. To stop making assumptions about other people and their body, to stop making myself feel better or worse by trying to compare my body to other bodies. It is about a mind set and not about actions. Of course does a change of mind set in the end effect my actions, but narrowing the whole movement down to #treatyourself and how healthy you are and how all of this has a positive effect on your body is simply wrong and does not resonate with what body positivity should be about.
Of course I am not the first person to rant about this, and there was a post on Bustle that kind of triggered my thoughts. And this quote does kind of sum it up really well for me
“It comes down to this: While a practice might feel empowering to an individual (which is great), its origins and grander role in a culture might not be empowering at a core level (which is not so great).”
Yes things, actions, thoughts can have a great affect on your personal attitude towards your body, they can empower you, they can help you to feel better, more healthy, more balanced and generally more positive, but that doesn’t mean that they count as body positive in it’s original understanding deeply connected to the fat acceptance movement. To be honest, most uses of body positivity go against what fat acceptance stand for, as it quickly provokes that thought that a fat personal can’t be body positive because being fat is not looked at as healthy or positive. If you want to read more about what others fat acceptance influencers have to say about this Bustle has another really good article for you.
I am Katrin and I am the Killerqueen. This blog may contain a lot of personal content about plus size fashion, feminism, sex or food. If you want to know more about me, head over to my about me.